Monolog - Little Sam

Won't you keep us working? Working down below? This page needs work to reach an encyclopedic standard. If you see something missing, you can help The Mysterious Spanish Ladies by joining the wiki and expanding the article.

Sam's Enchanted Evening version

During The Residents performance of Sam's Enchanted Evening at The Marsh in Berkeley Sam would give many monolog in-between almost every song. Here is a transcription of this monolog as found on the Klanggalerie release of this show.

I cant go on, that, its, its just too sad. It makes me think of all the people that died. My Momma, Mack, my Daddy of course. Oh yeah! I know, I know, you, you probably think he died of cancer of scrotum right! Ha Ha! No. He died of lung cancer. 

*audience member coughs*

You, you prob- you probably heard me say something a few minutes about, little Sam! Sammy junior, little Sam, well he's not dead. He's not dead! He might as well be though. I just, I just came from a kinda meeting with little Sam, and, and, he jus- he justs comes up to me, he just comes up to me on the street im just minding my own business and he just comes up and he gives me this big hug, and he says

“Happy birthday Daddy! Uhh, uhhh, I have something I need to talk to you about”

And I didn't know what to say, I hadn't seen him for so long, almost didn't even recognize him, and he says, he says

“Happy birthday Dad, uhh, you know uhhh, I-I-I need to talk to you, and uhh, and but but this probably says it best!”

And he gives me the envelope! Here!

*Sam pulls out wedding invitation*

and so, so I. I opened it up, and I look, and, it's a wedding invitation, it's a wedding invitation! I say 

“What is this! What is this! What is this!” 

He says, he say-

“I'm in love Dad, and I'm getting married.”

And I said, I said

“But, but this says you getting married to a guy! You getting married to a guy! Named, Cecil.”

And I said

“No! No Way!”

And he says

“Yes Dad yes. Uhh I-i- Im in love and im getting married”

I said

“No! No! You can't be getting to A GUY!...Named Cecil…”

And he says

“Yes, and I want you to come and I want, I want you to give me away!”

I said, I said

“NO WAY, NO WAY, FUCK YOU, FUCK YOU, FUCK YOU.”

And I just, I walked away.

And now. And now. Here I am. Here I am. Here I am! Here I am Here I am Here I am! HERE I AM! *Sobbing*

*Sam runs and grabs a gun*

*Sam Shreiks*

*Sam starts crying, pitifully*

I can’t do it…I can’t do it I, I can’t even blow my fucking brains out.

*More Crying*

What do you want Mack? I-. I-I’m feeling terrible Mack, I-I can't sing anymore, No I can’t, I just can’t do this.

*Audience calps while Sam walk off stage for intermission*

*Mack stops Sam and talks to him*

Well maybe? Lets see, ummm.

*Segue into next song*

List of releases

• Sam's Enchanted Evening (2023)

See also

• So Long Sam
• Sam's Enchanted Evening